Keep Breathing
by Cupido
Summary: You walk down the aisle, a forced and desperate smile plastered on your face. But inside, you're slowly falling apart and your heart is breaking. OneShot. Lana's thoughts during the episode Promise.


_I just re-watched the episode "Promise" and I just had to write this little one-shot from Lana's perspective. I mean, can you just imagine marrying and give your heart away to man you don't love? That's just… tragic all in all. So here it is, enjoy._

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You just keep walking down that aisle. You keep breathing, you keep trying to smile, but you fail miserably at it. Your hands are shaking, and for a second, you think you will fall and just die. The people around you are looking at you with admiration in their eyes, praising your beauty. You don't see them. You don't want to see them. You keep walking, only another moment and you'll be standing in the spot where you will give your life away. Your best friend smiles reassuringly at you. You give her a desperate glance back, pleading. But you know that you're stuck. No one's going to save you this time. You're on your own.

You take your place in front of the priest, holding hands with a man who is completely unaware of how you're truly feeling. It's your wedding; you should be jumping with you. Instead, you're falling part. The priest starts to speak, but you are unable to hear him. In the midst of it all, you can hear your future husband replying, "I do". With great difficulty you slip the ring onto his finger. The priest then turns his attention to you.

"And do you, Lana Lang, take Alexander Luthor to be your husband in the holy state of matrimony. Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honour and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer for poor, and forsaking all others as long as you both shall live?"

You struggle to keep yourself straight and not hunch over and start to cry. That's when you see him, standing in the back of the church, looking more handsome then ever, with a pleading expression. For a second, hope surges through you and you just want to run over to him and throw your arms around him and hold him until the sky falls down on you. But you know you can't. You can't lose him.

You turn your gaze over to your future husband and with tears starting to form in your eyes, you say, "I do." And a tear rolls down your cheek. Your husband exhales in relief and brushes away the tear. You never knew in a million years how heartbreaking it could be to utter two lousy words that are bound to be your doom.

Music flows throughout the beautifully decorated church and with your hand in your husband's hand you turn to face the crowd. Everyone applauses with joy. You don't feel the joy. Your eyes travel over to the place where he stood. He's gone. That's when you realize that it will remain like this. Your husband wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you close, kissing your lips softly. You just want to cry out. It isn't supposed to be him.

You break apart and your _husband _whispers to you, "You look beautiful." You force a smile onto your lips. You're disappearing. You're beautiful, but inside your soul is slowly disintegrating and your heart is breaking.

Moments later, everyone congratulates you and your _husband. _You just want to run away. Disappear. And never return again. You hide away in your dressing room and sits down in the chair in front of the mirror. That's when your façade breaks and you start sobbing uncontrollably. You've just given away your heart, but not to the man you love. You can't take it back, because then you will lose it all over again when you watch the man you love die.

In the midst of your tears and sobs, someone knocks on your door. You stand up and turn to the door, but he's already entered.

"I waited for you," he says to you, betrayal and sadness written all over his beautiful face.

"Clark," you say and somewhere deep inside of you, you smile at sight of him.

"What happened?" he asks.

"I'm really sorry, I-I didn't mean to hurt you," you say with such a great reluctance and pain that he's bound to see right through it. You hope he will. You just want him to take you away from here. "But I want to be with Lex," you keep saying as your throat starts to tighten.

He frowns slightly in confusion and walks closer to you. Your heart does a flip. "It's not true," he says confidently, still with a hint of hesitation in his voice. "He got to you, didn't he?"

Yes, you wanna scream at the top of your lungs. "No, please just believe me and let it go," you say and you can feel your heart breaking inside your chest. You don't know how much more heartache you can take before falling apart completely.

"Let it go?" he asks you. "Let it go, Lana, I love you. I love you," he repeats and you just want to start crying all over again.

His words are making it difficult for you to breathe properly and with your heart protesting, you just need him to leave. "Clark, just don't." You turn away from him, not wanting him to see the pain in your eyes.

"Tell me what he did," you hear him say. "What did Lex do? You don't have to stay with him."

You grab the flowers and you let out a shuddering breath. "He didn't do anything, I've made my decision." You turn around to face him again. "I just want to be with him." Anyone would realize that you're lying.

"Why do you keep saying that?" he asks, clearly he realizes that too. Pain and despair flicker across his face and he takes a step closer. "Lana, we should be together." And you know that he's telling the truth. You need to be together. "I want this more then I've ever wanted anything," he keeps saying. "And I know that you do too."

He moves a little closer and you can almost smell him, it's intoxicating. You just want to throw yourself at him. With your whole body in uproar, you slowly and painfully shake your head. You exhale loudly and you feel the tears coming again.

"I've, I've had a change of heart," you whisper heartbreakingly. You look into his eyes, and plead him to understand. He just looks at you in shock.

You head for the door, praying and hoping against hope that you won't break down crying in front of him.

"You don't mean that," you hear him say desperately and you stop. It would all be so easy; you could just turn around and tell him the truth. And risk is death? No. There's a battle going on inside of you. You close your eyes and silent sob escapes your lips.

"Is this because of my secret?" he asks you. You turn to him again, your breathing laboured. "Lana, I'll tell you. I'm not like everyone else," he says in a tone you don't recognize. There's pain, desperation, despair and hope all in it. "I'm-"

"No, Clark, you have to go," you say with difficulty, preventing him to reveal what will only cause more heartache and problem.

"Go? No," he says defiantly. "No until you look me in the eye and tell me that you'd rather spend the rest of your life with Lex Luthor instead of me."

You realize that this moment is it; you need to break his heart once and for all in order to save his life. And it's tearing you up inside. "I'm sorry, Clark," you say and you truly are. "I love Lex," you tell him, knowing with every fiber of your being that those words are all lies.

With one last glance at him, you turn away and walk out of the room, leaving the man you love probably more heartbroken then you. You run away from the room as fast as you can. You hide away again, this time the sobs wreck through your body again. What have you done? You feel empty and you know now that nothing will be alright. You've officially given your heart away, but it won't be his. Your heart will always belong to someone else. But as you stand there in the empty hallway, crying your eyes out, you know one thing for sure.

"I love you, Clark Kent."

_All that I know is I'm breathing. All we can do is keep breathing._

_**Fin.**_


End file.
